


Portmanteau

by paramount_hat



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock (TV) RPF, briti
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-10
Updated: 2011-08-10
Packaged: 2017-10-22 11:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/237597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paramount_hat/pseuds/paramount_hat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being in a relationship for a year and a half, Benedict and Martin discuss what the consequences of announcing their union to the public would be, which leads to a discussion about portmanteaux.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Portmanteau

**Author's Note:**

> Because I don't have shame anymore, I decided to start posting the RPF I write for the BBC series Sherlock.
> 
> I suppose this is kind of an AU; Martin Freeman isn’t married, has never been, and doesn't have kids.
> 
> I totally understand if you think this is creepy, but the same rule that applies to the rest of the Internet is valid here too: If you don't like it, scroll past and don't click!
> 
> I hope some of you will enjoy and, if you do, don't hesitate to leave a message!

They were lying on Benedict’s bed, enjoying the pleasantly numbing tranquillity that often came with post-coital bliss. The rain was pounding on the bedroom window and, in the otherwise quiet room, the sound seemed deafening. To the untrained eye, it looked as though they were both too exhausted to move and, while it wasn’t entirely false, the truth was they were engaged in a very serious contest. Neither could remember how it had started, but it was now part of their routine every time they had sex indoors, and that’s where they usually had sex. They still weren’t ready to let the public know they had entered a relationship almost a year and a half ago, having sex outdoors was a kink they very rarely indulged in. The rule of the contest was simple; the first one who got tired of being wet and sticky had to get up and fetch a flannel.

Martin lost, but it was a close one. Benedict had been about to abandon, and he smiled as Martin pecked him on the forehead and walked to the bathroom, not bothering to pick up his dressing gown. When he came back into the bedroom, all traces of semen had disappeared from his belly and he was clutching a wet flannel in one hand, and his laptop in the other. Benedict caught the flannel that was tossed in his direction and he made a perfunctory attempt at cleaning himself up. When he rolled over, Martin was still naked, but he was sitting on the bed and looking at his laptop. Benedict rolled his eyes when he recognised the logo of the website.

“Martin! What have I told you about Tumblr being evil?”

“I know, but I need to look. I’m terrified that someone will find out about us and—oh, look! We’re alpacas now,” he said as he turned the laptop around so Benedict could look at a picture of Sherlock and John under a picture of two alpacas that supposedly looked like them.

“I thought we were a shark and a hedgehog. Or was it kittens?”

“It’s hard to keep track sometimes,” Martin said distractedly while hitting a few keyboard keys.

They remained silent for a few minutes while Martin tried various tags, his brows furrowed in concentration and a gentle smile playing on his lips when he stumbled upon something amusing. Benedict watched him fondly and he extended a hand to stroke the first portion of skin he could reach (a knee).

“Well, we haven’t been found out yet,” Martin announced after a while.

“We will though, especially if you keep luring me into dark corner to kiss me.”

“It’s not my fault. You look ravishing,” Martin said and he leaned over his laptop to kiss Benedict, running his fingers through the ginger curls that would be dyed a dark shade of brown the next day.

“What do you think will happen once we’re found out?” Benedict asked once Martin’s lips left his.

“Well, there will be an outburst of written fiction about us.”

“Of which you will read me long extracts.”

“Because I love what your face looks like when you’re torn between horror, embarrassment, and arousal.”

“That picture of you fondling my thigh will most likely reappear,” Benedict said.

“We’ll get our very own portmanteau,” Martin said, and Benedict groaned.

“I hate those. What do you think ours will be?”

“Martedict?” Martin suggested.

“That sounds horrible, Benartin would be slightly less awful.”

They fell silent, the laptop forgotten beside Martin as he lay down again and buried his face in Benedict’s neck. They were both deep in thoughts, wondering about their portmanteau and how it would change their relationship. Not the portmanteau, but the fact that everyone would know, that people would stare at them and take pictures whenever they would go out together. Well, that wasn’t much different from what they were living at the moment, but they would also have to deal with the inappropriate questions of journalists and false reports of infidelities and breakups.

“Cumberman!” Martin blurted out of the blue.

Benedict sat up abruptly, his eyes twinkling and his smile wide.

“Yes. YES! That’s it! Cumberman, that brilliant!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard a better portmanteau. The press will be insufferable, but at least we’ll have the best motherfucking name,” Martin said, grinning as he sat up to kiss the other half of the Cumberman duo.

“We will. And if we ever get married, we need to change both our surnames to Cumberman.”

“Obviously. People will say: Oh look over there, it’s the Cumbermen.”

“The Cumbermen! I like that!”

They exchanged a bright smile, laughter still visible on their faces. Then, it hit them simultaneously: they had just discussed marriage. Not seriously, of course, but the idea of a possible marriage had been brought up and neither had shied away from the thought. They looked at each other in surprise before smiling again, even more brightly than before.

“Did we just—” Martin began.

“Yeah, we did.”

“I think it means we’re growing up,” Martin said with a wink.

“Oh that’s good. You see, there is something I’d like to try with you, but it’s a very grown up activity."

Martin waggled his eyebrows and Benedict smiled predatorily before pinning him to the bed to show him one of the things that made being a grown up great and, he made such a good point, Martin eagerly agreed. They still weren’t ready to announce their relationship to the public; what they had was too precious and they intended to enjoy what felt like their own private island for as long as they wanted.

In the following months, they would start telling people. First Mark, and then those closest to them in the Sherlock cast and crew. But, for now, they were happy sharing the most beautiful of secrets.


End file.
